Dealing with rejection

mind Jan 10, 2018

I´m sitting in the dark in my apartment. I feel deep sadness after thinking about some people from my past. I feel like I miss someone or something, that is no longer here. Since I´m always curious to know what´s going on when I feel low, I decided to investigate myself about this melancholic feeling.

As time goes by, I seem to be more and more allergic to lower vibrations that certain thoughts and feelings create. This is a story of what I found.

Over the years I have lost and walked out of few friendships and relationships. Sometimes in a more dramatic way than other times. In some cases the "break-up" didn´t bother me that much, two people seemed just to be going into their own directions. And everything happened with ease organically and those relationships just stopped excisting. It felt right and okay.

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LOST CONNECTION

Now that I think of it, in most cases when I felt okay about relationship ending, I was actually the one who "had enough". Connection with the other person didn´t feel good anymore or it was hard to find true connection. I think those relationships excisted just out of past habit. On the other hand, some endings seemed to be harder to get over with and move on. Never really thought of why before, but suddenly I know why.

Relationships that I felt were outdated and didn´t bring sense of true connection anymore, were easy to let go of. Haven´t really looked back or thought that I would like to reconnect with those people. Not that there is anything wrong with them, us two just didn't connect in a deeper way anymore. I see there were clear reasons why two people walked different ways, changed or didn´t change, were rude or just had enough.

REJECTION HURTS

The ones that seem to bother me even after years, are the ones that I got rejected in. I wasn´t the one who said that "hey let´s leave it here now" or "don´t bother to call me". I was the one who would still liked to keep on building the relationship and get over the tough times. But it was someone else who decided to end our relationship and have nothing to do with me anymore. And those relationships seem to bug me every now and then. I wanted to understand why.

Key word here is REJECTION. Who would want to get rejected? Nobody! Most of us have a hidden need to be accepted and liked. It feels pretty bad when someone rejects and doesn´t give you any more chances to re-connect. But why is rejection such a daunting thing?

When I asked myself in the dark, why do you feel so bad, when someone doesn´t want to play with you anymore, surprisingly the answer didn't have anything to do with the other person. Actually the other person was completely out of the equation. All that rose from within had to do with rejection, not being loved and not being accepted. I just projected those deeper emotions into that person X leaving my reality. Even though it didn't have anything to do with them at all.

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WHAT WE EXPERIENCE WHEN FACING REJECTION

Experience of rejection shines light into more deeper issues. What rejection really translates into is 1) I am not accepted, 2) I am not loved, 3) I end up alone. Pretty powerful combo, no wonder it feels really bad!

When I´m completely honest, every relationship that has ended in my life, had symptoms way before the break-up happened. There was feeling of disconnection, irritation, long-periods of not talking and just being on different wavelenght. What once connected two people, didn´t glue them anymore. And that´s okay, we come here to shift and change. Not to stay the same whole lifetime. 

By realizing these things, I can now stop thinking about few guys who "got away" and friends who said goodbye. I can focus on healing parts of me that thinks I´m unloved, not accepted and alone. But how is that done? This is where spirituality comes in for me, I find empowerment from there. From spiritual aspect all of those statements are so far from the truth, that I can feel the shift already. I am made of love particles, accepted as part of the Divine and Universe has a plan for me. Knowing that releases the sadness inside and makes me even think how silly I was thinking of not being worthy.

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF

But mind might argue with those spiritual truths. We need to give mind questions and answers, that will burst it´s bubble. You cannot believe in something, that you don't believe in. Mind wants answers, logic and reasoning. Give them to it by asking and answering unrevealing questions. My experience is that once we start to work on self-worth, all these three aspects of rejection start to shift. Here are few questions to get started.

  • Do I have right to be happy? Do I have right to feel loved? If now, why not?
  • Do I deserve relationships, that support my growth? And feel great? If not, why not?
  • Do I trust that life gives and takes in perfect way, even though I don´t always understand why? If not, work on control issues.
  • Am I open for new people to enter my life? Do I make myself available?
  • What makes me feel connected to others? How I want to feel the connection? (talk, physical, presence, etc. do that)
  • Do I accept myself as I am? If not, where should I start?

- Stay away from people who make you feel you are hard to love. - Quote

XO, Kaisa

Kaisa W Koskinen, Spiritual Guide, M.Sc. Economics, Licensed Trainer of NLP, Healer

 PS. Give me a like if you got new perspectives with this blogging

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